I knew the day was destined to fail, but I tried it anyway. We're leaving to go to Florida on Friday and I have no clothes so I packed up 3 kids and went to town shopping. Shopping for clothes = never successful for me. Why, why, why did I think that all the kids would help with that in any way?
So we get through the trip to the gym, the kids are snacked out on cookies and we head to Kohl's.
Everything starts off great. I'm loading the shopping cart with potentials as we make our way to the bathrooms. Change a stinky baby - check. Potty the two others - check. We make our way to the dressing rooms after running through 3 more aisles and me grabbing over 30 shirts, jeans and one pair of flip flops that look decent. By now Lias is really fussy but he'll be happy once I let him down to play in the big handicapped dressing room that holds me, a honking huge double stroller, 30 pairs of clothes and 3 kids, right? No. He wants to nurse now and Ava has to use the bathroom AGAIN - number 2. Too bad kid. Hold it. I rip clothes on and off, leaving them on just long enough for Nathan to tell me that he doesn't like any of them. I finally keep one shirt and grab Lias, who's screaming now that Nathans pulled the stroller away and made him fall.
We head to the bathroom, feed the baby, potty the preschooler AGAIN and everything calms down enough that I'm tempted to just glance at the kids section. 20 minutes later, the kids are done tearing the toy aisle apart, I've got more clothes for them then I could ever find for me, and the baby is stinky AGAIN. Its also 45 minutes past lunch and I haven't fed anybody anything but cookies. We quickly pay for the junk, head to the car and try to load up.
You'd think since we load into the car at least 20 times a week we'd be pretty good at this but no. Here's where it all really starts to break down. Ava and Nathan are told repeatedly to get into the van and in their seats. Ava listens. Nathan does not. I'm trying to change a very stinky diaper doubled with a nasty diaper rash from out of the blue and juggle a adventurous 2 yr old that thinks he wants to start the car. Lias is laid out on the seat with the seatbelt digging into his head, arching his very messy bum while Nathan is stepping on the very messy diaper and I can't even yell like I want because the door is open and everyone will hear me. I finally get the diaper on the screaming baby and get Nathan off the dirty diaper and back towards his seat. I wrestle the unused wipe I needed 2 seconds ago that glued itself to the the velcro diaper tabs on the dirty diaper, wrap up the diaper and jump into the car to Nathan's screaming. His all out ear piercing, mind numbing, I'm-losing-my-brain, scream and then it happened.
I reached out, grabbed his hair and pulled for all it was worth. And told him to STOP SCREAMING NOW!!! Not my finest parenting moment, that's for sure. Right after I did it I felt horrible but amazingly, he actually stopped screaming. We all took a few deep breaths and then he said in a little voice, "Mama, you no hurt me like that." I tried to reason my way through the whole situation but ended up at "You're right Nathan, it was very naughty for Mama to pull your hair." Way to go Mama, way to go. I just thought I'd document the whole situation so I can really remember how it was when I'm old and senile and think everything was all rosy all the time. Please tell me I'm not the only one who looses it occasionally like this?
OH, man, Lynnie, what a day! I can tell you, though, you are not alone. The other day we had an episode involving a diaper change, a squirmy baby, and unsuccessful multitasking. I was trying to check messages on my phone so I had the phone tucked under my chin but the baby was so squirmy that poo was getting smeared everywhere. And then Oliver tried to climb up on the changing table, too. I just started to scream, like a crazy person "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!" and I threw the phone down on the ground (hard). These big fat tears just started rolling down Oliver's cheeks and he went and cried into his pillow. I felt like such a monster.
ReplyDeleteI think I've actually done worse, too, but miraculously I've managed to suppress those dark memories and can't remember precisely the mean and terrible things I've done.
You are not alone!! I think we have all had those moments. =)
ReplyDeleteLynnie- thank you for posting this and giving me (another) laugh. I almost drove off the side of the road when you told me, but reading it was just as good. I'm sure I'll have my moments with children someday and I will call you because you will understand!! Nathan will get over it, but maybe you should shave his head this summer? :)
ReplyDeleteThey do say shock is the most effective way to redirect crying, right? And he has lots of hair.
ReplyDelete:-)
I love this post (and the one about Ava--that is Jonah to a tee). And don't worry my friend, you are SO not alone in this. :) Interestingly, the times I lose my cool the most, usually involve poop. Imagine that. :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. I commented to Stephen that there must be a crazy moon cycle because three of my friends all had very bad (but funny afterward) days this week not including my own. Mine was losing my patience after my four year old woke the baby (who doesn't sleep more than 20 mins. at a time) by kicking and pounding the door to her room with his feet because I wouldn't let him in. I was so tired and mad that I lost it. Crazed mom pretend called the day care drop-in center because he was told he couldn't stay anymore at home if he was to do naughty things to get attention. Crying and hysterics ensued. Not my best mom moment!
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that was fifty times funnier because I've actually met you in person! I laughed out loud when I read this. And I don't do that very often AT ALL. Great stuff. I haven't done that, but I definitely would. I'm glad we got to hang out. You're so much like me!!
ReplyDeletexoxo
I think I'm going to bed now after having read your account of the shopping trip...
ReplyDeleteha he he he he he ha ha!!!! I do stuff like that a lot!!! But I loved the whole story telling here, I could picture it perfectly! Was watching NCIS last night and they were heading to Colepepper (sp?) VIrgina. DAve called out "what's Lynnie done now?"!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat's so funny! I can't tell you the number of times my mom or dad lost and and almost ripped chunks out of my hair out of anger....we turned out okay! I'm all about giving a child a little slap on the butt or a tug on their scalp if they won't SHUT UP and there's nothing else you can do. You're a great mom...don't ever feel like you're not!
ReplyDeleteLynnie, How brave of you to post what EVERY mom knows to be true....some days you will not be up for "mom of the year" award. Love your blog, by the way. Patty just sent me your address. The pictures are beautiful too. Call me next time you are planning an outing like that, and I'll come over and keep a few kiddos.
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