Tonight after Ava went to bed I packed up all her new school stuff. I carefully labeled each new, shiny marker with her name. Then I labeled each fat glue stick, her 3 ring binder and her sharp new purple scissors. I even labeled her Kleenex box and her "special spray" aka disinfecting hand wash. Earlier today we made her a fancy Pringles can - the schools way of communicating with home - deco poged with all her friends and our families pictures, just so she won't forget us. I packed it all inside her stiff new purple book bag, then opened the front pocket and realized her pencils weren't sharpened. So I sharpened each one carefully and put them back into the little holder that she thought was so cool.
And then I started bawling.
And I haven't stopped. I know this is normal, but I still don't think I'm quite ready for her to be gone all day, every day. The other day, just to make me feel better I went through and marked each day she has off from school. It helped, but just a little. Tonight, John gave her a father's blessing for the start of the school year and the whole time I was thinking, "She doesn't need the blessing, I do!" She's crazy excited and I know she'll do fine but somehow I just feel like her childhood is over. And I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do with her during it.
So tomorrow she'll get on the school bus and leave me and two very sad little boys. I hope we all stop crying by the time she gets home so we can listen to all the fun she had.