Dear Sweet Baby Adele,
I've been meaning to write you a little note of welcome for quite awhile now, but today you hit a milestone that I didn't think would come for a long time. So even though it's 11pm and my eyes are heavy, I'm typing to you.
As I was trying to put you to bed, after a fussy, not-much sleep Sunday, it dawned on me that maybe you were teething? So I stuck my finger in your mouth hoping to feel your gums to see if they were tender or swollen and….lo and behold, a tooth! Two teeth to be more precise!! At only 3 1/2 months this is a big surprise to me and a big wake up call that you're growing up, even if I haven't documented it.
You are such a beautiful, sweet baby. We all love you, some of us a little too much (over adoring brothers). The other day I was putting you to bed and kept smelling something and then realized it was a spit smell. And not spit up smell (cause you hardly ever do that). It was the smell of dried spit from Nathan kissing you with slobbery kisses so much all day. Yes, you are well loved over here.
After some rough weeks of you wanting to sleep all day and party all night, you've finally settled into a better routine of crashing sometime between 8-9 and sleeping for around 5-6 hours. You wake up to eat after that initial stretch but always go back to sleep for another nice long nap. You've even given me a few 7 hour stretches but only once or twice. Now if only I could learn to go to bed as soon as you do!
It's always while I'm nursing you that I have these beautiful, poetic thoughts come to mind, but my hands are tied up and I can never get them down. So I craft blog post upon blog post in my head, singing sweet songs of praise about your cuteness, your softness and your potential.
I love holding you and nestling you close to me while we have our midnight cuddle-fests. The curve of your little head as it mets your neck. The way your little bum fits perfectly into my cradling hand as I pat you to sleep. The smoothness of your stubbly little toes as I trace your feet through your jammies. All of these, plus a thousand more feelings make me tingle with deliciousness as I nurse you to sleep, your belly full and your eyes fluttering.
It's a powerful emotional tugging and a slightly bittersweet moment each time I feel the weight of your little body in my arms. Beautiful, because I know you're my baby now and I cherish every moment but fleeting since I know how fast you'll be out of my arms and into the roughness called childhood. Sometimes I know that I add to that roughness with my own shortcomings as a mom to toddlers and big kids and it breaks my heart to think I could ever get upset with the lump of dough in my arms right now.
But I know it happens, as I've watched all my other babies grow into bigger babies and little toddlers and then big kids that leave toys all over and talk back and I let down. Sometimes I find myself wishing for those little ones that were so easy to love and kiss and squeeze. I'm working on finding my niche with those big kids but for now, late at night, huddled under the blankets with your little body squished against mine, I breathe in the warmth of you, your milky baby air that moves in and out so calmly through your perfect little lips. I'd like to take that feeling and bottle it up so I can open it again someday when I'm 63 and old and arthritic and you're big with babies of your own.
There's a song by a well know country singer from the 1990s that talks about all the things he could have been inspired to do from the feelings of love. His only excuse for not doing anything was, "I was too busy being in love, yes, I was too busy being in love." I often think of this song while nursing and holding and rocking you. I could lay you down and get something done but I'm too busy being in love, yes, I'm to busy being in love.
I love you baby.
P.S. Lest anyone read this and think I have a favorite child (Ava, Nathan or Elias in a few years come read this!), I've felt this way about each and every baby I've had, just never taken the time to get it down on paper. I was too busy… being in love.